Does My Vagina Look Normal?

Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.”
― Ina May Gaskin, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

There’s an old joke…men look at their penises 6 times a day…5 times to pee and once just to admire it!  As women, we have to work much harder to see our vaginas, so there is a much larger mystery about them.

Every woman I know is concerned in some way about her vagina.  Well, really, technically, they are worried about their vulvas, which are the exterior lips of the vagina.  As women, we do not really “see” other women’s vaginas or even vulvas…unlike men who are all out there in front, in every locker room in America.  So, that leaves us to compare ourselves (if we chose to) to porn stars and online images.  And unfortunately, like every other public image, those are usually not the most realistic models.

I hate that moment I have a woman cringe at the thought of a vaginal exam, shame and worry in her eyes.  I had one woman who had never let her husband see her undressed…she put on a nightie in the bathroom, and crept to bed.  Intimacy was under the blankets, under the nightie and under the cover of darkness.  Why?  Because she was sure her vulva was abnormal, because her labia minora (the pink, wet inner lips) were too large and uneven.

So, after some gentle talk, and some reassurance, including the option to decline the exam completely, I left the room so she could get ready for the exam.  When I came back in, she was draped well, completely tucked in.  I talked a lot about how all vulvas are different, just like noses and toes.  How some have “innie” lips, and some have “outies” and how often the lips are different sizes.  How we have to learn to be as comfortable with our vaginas and vulvas as we are with our elbows.   And then I asked if she was ready for the exam.

She nodded through tears, and I smiled gently.  I just lifted the drape a bit and peeked.  I dropped the drape, wide-eyed and straight-faced.   “Oh my goodness~ it looked just like a vulva!”  We both started laughing.  I looked again, a bit closer this time, and told her that her labias were perfectly normal, and no larger or smaller than most women’s.   Relief flooded her face.  Tears rolled down her cheeks.  She had spent years thinking she was deformed, believing it for so long she couldn’t even remember when it had become a thought.   I began telling her about her body, explaining the purpose of each part, and continually reassuring her it was perfectly normal.

So, let’s be clear.  Vulvas come large and small, even and uneven, pink and brown, smooth and wrinkly, all of them as unique as the women they grace.  If your vulva doesn’t pinch when you get on a bike or hurt during sex, it’s normal.

Meanwhile, as some homework, go visit http://www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk and enjoy the great variations that nature brings us.